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Sandra's Story |
I’m Sandra and this is my story.
Today I am a proud single mother. Raising my daughter alone can be challenging some days, but I have learned to enjoy and embrace my life because I know that all that is given to me can be taken away just that easily.
I grew up in a home where both my parents were alcoholics. Being the oldest of three children and the only girl, there were expectations I had to live up to. I had to set an example for my younger brothers and teach them right from wrong.
I did good growing up until I reached the sixth grade when I started smoking cigarettes and drinking and then tried pot. My parents worked very hard and my father used speed pills – cross top whites and black beauties to help him stay awake. Sometimes he would give them to me to try.
Growing up in Compton and Lynwood in the 1970s, there was always someone who was not okay with me being Hispanic, and so I learned to defend myself at a young age. Right when I was getting ready to enter junior high, I was jumped into a gang. It all escalated from there. I started organizing ditching parties at school and started experimenting with a variety of street drugs. I preferred the ‘up’ feeling of speed and by the age of 15, PCP had become my favorite drug. I also ran away from home a lot so that I could do whatever I wanted.
At the age of 19 I got married and had my first child right before I turned 21. My son Ray is 24 years old now and was raised with the help of my parents, as was my second child, a daughter named Amber. Both my husband and I used drugs throughout my marriage and during my pregnancies – a fact that doesn’t feel good to admit, but one thing I’ve learned in my recovery is that I’ve got to tell the truth to keep moving forward. I thank my parents so much for helping me as much as they could. I put them through a lot of disappointments, from dropping out of high school to getting involved with drugs and gangs.
So for almost 30 years I stayed high. I worked as much as possible because I had to have the money, especially for my habits. I had a couple of arrests for being under the influence and possession, but I learned quickly how to avoid getting caught. Once, I was pulled over by the California Highway Patrol and was charged with being under the influence of PCP. At the time, I was a school bus driver. I’d been driving under the influence at work for a long time, but when I was busted, everyone at work was shocked. Again, I’m not proud of these stories, but it was only when I started to let it all out that I could begin to start over.
I did a lot of wrong in those years. I lost the respect of a lot of people, lost a lot of good jobs, and lost custody of my children. When I went to the county jail for grand theft auto, they put my third and youngest child, Autumn (she’s 8 now, but was 5 at the time), into the system quick. I’d already lost my other kids and the courts said because I’d been uncooperative in the past, that if I didn’t comply with their placement, I wouldn’t get Autumn back. I was lucky that Autumn eventually got taken in by a foster family that loved her and cared for her – they’re still in contact with her today.
I came upon a lot of barriers in terms of getting help for my problems on the outside. Lack of money or long waiting lists kept me out of programs I wanted to be a part of. I tried and tried to stay sober for even one day to go visit Autumn and it grew impossible for me but I didn’t want to give up.
I ended up in jail again, this time in prison. I was sentenced to three years for petty theft with a prior. I was lucky and given half time. Because of my circumstances, and my sentence time, during classification I was ineligible to participate in the Substance Abuse Program at prison. But I didn’t want to give up on getting help. I continued to go to my court dates and did phone visits with Autumn. And I met a counselor who agreed to help me. She did my intake to go to Walden House’s FOTEP program in El Monte. I was truly blessed. Walden House was there at the gate when I paroled.
Two weeks after I was released, however, the courts determined that adoption procedures for Autumn would continue. Still, I didn’t give up and the wonderful staff at Walden House helped me through that devastating time. With their support, I was able to get overnight and weekend visits with my daughter and most of all, the love of my daughter was returning. She was calling me mom again and did not want me to go when our visits ended.
I was in treatment at Walden House for 18 months and with high rakings. The courts were impressed too, and on August 8, 2006, they returned Autumn to live with me at FOTEP. In May 2007, we closed our court case and now Autumn is really with me. We have our own house that we both love and I’ve got a good job, working for Walden House SASCA as an administrative assistant.
Autumn and I continue to move forward, too – attending counseling together to make sure that we look at our whole relationship and solve problems as they arise. I will never return to the way I was. I will only continue to grow in my life today. Thank you for reading my story and may God bless you like I have been blessed.